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In Eidos’ never-ending quest to milk each of its franchises dry, no matter how weak they may be, we now have the sequel to the supremely average Fighting Force.

While the first game was a 3-D, two-player beat-em-up in the vein of Streets of Rage, it quickly became skewered in the press for its hyper-repetitive gameplay and complete lack of variety in enemy models. Unfortunately, as with many games of sub-par quality, but above-average marketing push, the damn thing managed to sell enough copies to warrant a sequel. Oh, boy. Join with me in my jubilance as I pick apart Fighting Force 2 piece by horribly designed piece.

Visuals:: I’ve seen worse, but I’ve sure as hell seen much, much better. First, I’ll get the few good points out of the way: The character models and level designs are solid, if uninspired, and the resolution is decent.

Other than that, though, it’s pretty ugly in there. Although the character models do seem pretty solid, the designs for said models are almost laughably bad. Take Hawk Manson, the main character, for example. He’s got this hilarious Gen-Y haircut and shades that are supposed to be hip, apparently, and is generally made out to be a bad-ass one-man wrecking crew. Of course, the art guys are trying to be so cool here that it turns out to be hokey all around. What’s worse is that, as with the first game, there are really only a handful of enemy models, with palette-swapping used to make them “different”. Ugh. Is a little fragging effort too much to ask?

The camera, however, is the most egregious of the graphical shortcomings present in this title. Now, this isn’t Blue Stinger-bad, but it’s definitely annoying in the extreme. Moving along in the eternally gray and brown corridors of the levels, you’ll quickly find that keeping the camera behind good ol’ Hawk is easier said than done. Anytime you come around corners, or any rooms more complex than a cube, the camera goes flying off into a wall, giving you a nice view of the wrong side of a wall polygon. As you’d imagine, this can make little things like fighting enemies and completing objectives about as much fun as a colonoscopy. There are some decent pre-rendered cinemas in there, though - probably the best part of the game, in fact.

Audio:: Surprisingly, not bad. The voice-work during cinemas and mission briefings is pretty darn good overall, which shows that Eidos at least knows how to do something right. The sound effects are pretty weak, though, and I don’t remember hearing much music at all. Aside from Hawk’s grunting and the constant explosions, this is actually a quiet game. And, considering that this is an action game, that’s probably not a good thing.

Gameplay/Control:: Wow, I didn’t know that they made gameplay this simplistic anymore. Basically, Hawk can punch, kick, jump, and, um, that’s about it. Yup, there are really no attack combos on-hand here, which is unforgivable for this kind of game. Using the punch button, Hawk can use an assortment of weapons scattered throughout each level. Then again, there really seems to be no reason to do so, as a gunshot to the head seems to do the same damage as a kick to the gut. That seemed a little odd to me. Seriously, it is entirely possible to get through the entire game using nothing but the kick button. Wow, that’s some great gameplay balance you’ve got there!

While the first game was a simple two-player beat-em-up, Fighting Force 2 tries to cash in on the Metal Gear/Syphon Filter craze with its single-player, mission-based gameplay. Running through corridors and more corridors, Hawk must complete various, yet similar missions, following a story that I quite frankly couldn’t give a rat’s arse about. The entire game can be described as thus: Run into room, kick the AI-challenged look-alike enemies to death, run to next room, repeat. There are objectives to complete, but you’d have to actually go out of your way to avoid completing them. Gameplay? We don’t need no stinkin’ gameplay!

And, as countless others have noted, practically everything in this game explodes as if it were completely constructed of C-4. Desks, filing cabinets, tables – you name it and you can make it explode by simply punching it. Weird.

Extras:: I don’t really think there are any. Then again, no sane person would want to play this game long enough find any hidden goodies, so it’s all good. There is absolutely no two-player option this time around, which can be good or bad, depending on how you look at it. After all, it would be nice to have someone to share the pain that playing this game causes, but then again, it’s probably best that as few people are exposed to this game as possible.

Overall:: It’s hard to ignore that this game is nothing more than a shoddy Dreamcast port of an already weak Playstation product. Between the wonky camera, nonexistent gameplay, and repetitive enemies (among other grievances), this is not the best game to show off your Dreamcast with. This is simply yet another cash-run by Eidos, and they’re coming dangerously close to being thrown in with Acclaim and 3DO these days. There is really no reason I can think of for any person to buy this game, no matter how cheap you may find it, and if you receive it as a gift, you’d be completely forgiven for throwing it back in the face of the giver. Heed my words, and avoid this turd at all costs.