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Succeeding as a solo mom is a daily puzzle.
Being alone and taking responsibility for everything, every day and on all fronts, is tiring. Help exists, common sense advice too. Take out your warrior armor, get started, it’s now!
Single moms: how to find the right balance every day?
Can we improve the lot of the growing number of solo mothers? Fortunately, not all single mothers live in economically difficult situations, but single parenting appears to be an accelerator of precariousness.
The unemployment rate for single mothers is 17% compared to 9% for mothers in couple, and the poverty rate is two to four times higher in single-parent families. Faced with everyday difficulties, having one or more children turns out to be a driving force as much as a burden. A reason to live, yes, but also an obstacle to financial autonomy. This is all the ambiguity of these situations.
Finally get out of the galley of housing
Having a roof over your head, for yourself and your young, is the minimum condition for a semblance of stability.
Separation considerably complicates the question of housing. It is by the force of things that Luna, mother of two children, 7 and 2 years old, applies the schedule: the children stay in the family apartment and the parents take turns with them. “My partner and I have decided to separate, but for the moment we live alternately in the apartment. When it’s not my turn, I live with friends, the same for him. It is not practical and it will not last, but there we have no choice. We have too little income to each find accommodation large enough for an adult and two children.”
Single mothers are increasingly the primary audience for social housing and emergency assistance. Why? Because real estate prices have soared. Together, we make economies of scale and still manage to find accommodation, even with low wages. But with one small income, this is no longer possible.
Who to turn to?
Some ONGs offers several types of support to mothers in difficulty: self-contained low-rent housing, social residences serving as homes, or even intergenerational buildings where the elderly and single mothers can help each other.
In Paris, support has been set up for single parents, which has helped 8,600 families since 2002 to stay in the capital. For three years, it provides free rental guarantees for women staying in the private park. 4,600 single mothers have so far benefited from this scheme. Two young women, for their part, had an excellent idea: launch the first free site dedicated to the colocation of single-parent families. It will be operational at the end of October and it is already possible to register.
Get daycare and financial assistance
Mothers are often on parental leave or unemployed at the time of separation.
The main obstacle to resuming a professional activity is the lack of childcare. This is the crux of the problem. They often cannot afford to pay for a childminder or home child care, and places in the nursery are too scarce. This is why more and more municipalities are considering single parenthood as a priority criterion for the allocation of places in collective establishments.
Another welcome support for these mothers is an allowance including childcare expenses. If the mother obtains a temporary assignment and she must urgently find a reception solution, especially on weekends or on very staggered hours, they ensure the search for a home guard and takes charge 95% of the cost. Another good plan relays offer care for children up to 13 years old, at the parents’ home and by trained professionals, mainly focused on staggered hours and with declining rates according to the family quotient.
There are a few nudges, welcome nationwide, and more often locally.
Single parents thus benefit from an increase in the resource ceiling with regard to the allocation of the birth grant. Some organisms can also grant occasional aid for leisure or going on vacation.
Cities can also offer specific support measures locally. Some cities thus modified the calculation of the family quotient so that single-parent families pay less for the canteen, the leisure centers and the conservatory.
Lighten up everyday life
Even if the spouse was just throwing the trash, when he is no longer there, it is still an additional constraint to assume.
The mental burden on single mothers is considerable.
So obviously, for them even more than for the others, the organization must be flawless: anticipation, to-do lists, network of solidarity with other single mothers in the neighborhood.
Then, to avoid the burnout induced by the daily litany of meticulous chores, there are a few tips: take micropauses of 2 to 5 minutes, give the less one action per day in conscience, like savoring your coffee, listening to the silence (as soon as there is some!), eating again.
The paradox when you are a single mom is that in the end, you are rarely alone! Hence the need to take advantage of any moment stolen from his children to disconnect from everyday life.
